Saturday 17 June 2017

Moving On

In January I wrote a post about how my life had been turned upside down with a horrible situation with my flatmates. Now that I'm in the midst of packing up my room, I've been thinking about how I can't wait until the date I get to leave this place. I wanted to write something so that this 'journey' isn't open-ended on my blog, and so I can get these thoughts out of my head and move on...

To recap - my flatmates wouldn't take my no as an answer and forced me to move into a flat I didn't want to move into, into an area I didn't want to live in. 'Forced' sounds like such a strong word, I know, but there's no other way to put it. They rejected my worries and my belief that it should be a unanimous decision for us to move there, and instead overpowered me and didn't even thank me when I eventually gave in and moved. That's where I was when I wrote the post in January - we'd moved and I was trying to get used to it.

What happened after I wrote that post, was that they stopped talking to me. They just ignored me, only saying hello if I said it first, and only coming out of their rooms or the living room once I'd closed the door to mine. All communication was through a group chat. In February, I received an email from our landlord asking if we'd be continuing our lease, and when I asked my flatmates (through the group chat, of course), they told me that they didn't want to live with me anymore, that it would be better for all of us if we lived apart.

At this point, I broke down. I had spent months trying to fight them, had finally given up, and then they kicked me when I was down anyway. They told me this after my friends and boyfriend had already extended leases/found flats, so I was at a loss of where to go. I asked them for a reason why and all they gave me was excuses and lies, and so I finally said it was enough. I eventually found other flatmates, and will be moving next month.

I wish that I could have cut them out of my life then and there. I'm an advocate of ridding the toxic people as soon as you can, but because of our lease agreement I obviously had to stay with them until now. And they still act the same, even though they've got what they want. They still ignore and avoid me, and they have turned from respectful housemates into people who can't accept when things aren't their way. I often wonder if they actually understand how cruel they have been. But I also know that even if they were to read this, they won't accept that this is how they've made me feel.

I've heard their friends mention me when they're over, I've seen the looks their parents give me, and I've been told by my friends who are mutuals with theirs that they've been talking about me - "They made you sound so unreasonable, I had no idea it was you." They have become petty and blame me for absolutely everything.

It's hard to not let this situation consume me. In fact, every time I think or talk about it I actually hate myself a little bit for letting their negativity affect me. But now, I can move on, both literally and figuratively. Without having to walk on eggshells every day, I know I can genuinely put them behind me. So I'd like this post to mark the change. It's scary to move in with new people after three years of living with the same folk, but I just cannot wait for the new start. Outside of my flat, my 3rd year of uni was my best yet, and I am so looking forward to making 4th year amazing.

I let myself be small this past 8 months. But I have to remind myself that this situation is only happening because these are not nice people. Their true colours have shown, and I'm happy to leave them behind. I want my message, the message I have to remind myself daily, to be that as long as you trust yourself and push through, you will. Time to move on.
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